Tag Archives: Victoria

Cold Toast, Worn-out Wonder Wieners, and other Life Lessons

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Six Life Lessons I Have Learned

1. A watched toaster never pops.

 You have to ignore the toaster. Don’t wait for the toast to pop up. Walk away. Get distracted by something else. Fold laundry. Do your taxes. When you get back to the toaster, you’ll find your toast has popped up. Except it’s cold. How long did it sit, popped up and waiting for you? Hmmm? I have learned the solution. Outsmart the toaster. Press the cancel button every few seconds. Pop up, push down, pop up, push down. Check the toast until it’s a light, golden brown. The toaster is ill-equipped to stop you from this ingenious action. And you will feel victorious as you enjoy your warm toast. read more

The Benefits of Sickness

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During Victoria, my favorite Sunday evening TV show, my muscles twisted into knots. My stomach rumbled with a dull pain, as if a storm brewed. Suddenly I lost interest in the show’s storyline.
Let me explain. I love watching Victoria, a PBS series based on the life of Queen Victoria. I make a big deal when this show comes on. I fix myself a cup of tea, cuddle up with my blanket, and turn the lights out to make it feel like I’m at a movie theater. Of course, it’s not exactly like a movie theater. I don’t have people whispering loudly behind me. No one sits in front of me flashing their cell phone screen as they read their text messages.
In my home movie theater environment, I’m savoring my tea when the stomach churns and the muscles ache. Suddenly I don’t care if the villagers riot at Victoria’s gate. Large objects sail through Queen Victoria’s fancy, castle window. Yet, I don’t care. And on top of this, I don’t care that Prince Albert is adorably cute. Something is very wrong. I’m usually so in to the program.
As the night continues on, the symptoms of stomach flu hit hard. In the stomach world, I’m having Hurricane Katrina. For the next two days I stay in bed except for the grueling treks to the bathroom. Jerry hears a blow-by-blow detailed account of my misery. That could be the reason he offers to go to the store to get flu meds, hoping for a reprieve from listening to my litany of ailments.
Foods I ordinarily love suddenly seem abhorrent. The thought of coffee, or salad, or anything edible gives me the desire to writhe on the floor flapping my tongue in agony. Except for… bananas. For some reason, bananas hold a special place in my heart. We have no bananas and the longing for them takes over my thought processes.
All of the things I usually love doing, like reading, walking, guzzling coffee (well, maybe I don’t actually guzzle), and slathering age-defying creams all over my face don’t interest me at all. Gravity has already barged in my door, completely uninvited. Why defy it? None of that interests me. The only thing I care about right now is…yes! Bananas…Jerry drives to the store to buy bananas. read more