Even the sign shows a red cup. Imagine the disappointment!

“Coffee in white cups?” I ask, aghast.

The server smiles, “Yes.”

“But the name of your coffee shop is the Red Cup Café. I expected red cups.”

The server smiles again, one of those knowing smiles conveying I’m not the first customer who has brought this to her attention.

“Our owner’s favorite color is red, so she named it the Red Cup Café,” she says with no further explanation.

The Red Cup Café is one my favorite stops when I visit Mukilteo, Washington. It has funky art with colorful flower gardens and wooden-carved statues. It overlooks a beautiful view of Puget Sound. I love the coffee and the neon red “Howdy” sign in the window. But it doesn’t make sense to me that a coffee house called Red Cup Café serves beverages in white coffee cups.

The Red Cup Cafe has red bar stools outside. A more appropriate name, if the owner wanted to share her love of red without disappointing her customers, would be “Get Rained On At Red Bar Stools Cafe.”

Whenever I’m in Mukilteo, I always stay at the Staybridge Suites. And like the Red Cup Café without red cups, the Staybridge Suites doesn’t have a bridge anywhere on its property. Why name it Staybridge Suites when there isn’t a bridge to stay on?

At least Costco makes sense. Costco is upfront. No wondering there. You’re warned before you flash your membership card at the entrance. Will it cost you at Costco? Uh, yes! The name Costco tells you it will. And don’t forget, most people don’t get out of there without shelling out a hundred bucks. You feel good anyway because you had a teeny chicken taquito sample. Well, make that two taquito samples because you circled around twice.

Some store names make us guess. Take Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I’d like to ask someone at this store to show me Beyond. I have no idea where to find it. “Yes, I’m here for Beyond. Which aisle is it on?”

Whole Foods doesn’t make us guess. You get whole foods, which means no non-foods or half-foods. Jerry once asked a Whole Foods employee why they don’t sell diet soda. The answer was: “It’s not a whole food.” Get it? You want whole sugar, and lots of it, in your soda if you’re shopping at Whole Foods.

And Amazon! What kind of name is that? Is the company trying to tell us it’s a jungle out there and we need to shop products online to avoid the wilds of crowds and germs and elderly gentlemen hollering from car windows, “Hey! Did you not see my blinker on? That’s my parking spot!”

A furniture store here in Arizona calls itself The Dump. “Honey, I’ve always wanted a dumpy house.” This person obviously doesn’t own cats, dogs, or raccoons who are more than happy to give your home a dumpy look. Just give your pets the go-ahead. In no time you’ll have dog fur-covered, cat-shredded, pet-pawed furniture. Raccoons will chew your coffee table to splinters. Or is that beavers? That aside, your spouse replies with enthusiasm, “I want dumpy too! Let’s go to The Dump.”

Here’s where it’s at. (Disclaimer: the furniture is actually not dumpy–but the store name doesn’t give that away.)

One name that baffled me more than any of the others is Starbucks. There’s nothing in the name that tells you about coffee, or even loud jazz music, paper cups with your name misspelled, or tea that Oprah loves. I did some research and discovered the Starbucks name came close to being called Cargo House. While wondering if the name Cargo House would translate into thousands of coffee shops on every corner, Starbucks co-founder Gordon Bowker came across interesting information. Terry Heckler, with whom he owned an advertising agency, mentioned he thought words that begin with “st” were powerful. This led to a search of “st” words and discovering the name of an old mining town called Starbo. (The town located on the map lies somewhere around Mt. Rainier and the Cascade Mountains.) Starbo reminded co-founder Bowker of Melville’s first mate named Starbuck in the well-known novel Moby-Dick. Thus, Starbucks. The name has nothing to do with coffee or whales. It has everything to do with power.

This sign in Mukilteo displays some powerful “st” words. It’s a sure winner if they serve coffee here too.

Until I read this account, I didn’t realize words that begin with “st” have power. I looked up “st” words in Roget’s Thesaurus…stab, stare, steal, stench, stern, stimulate, stir, stomp, straddle, strong-arm. There you go. Power reeks in those words. Especially in the word “stench.”

All this to say, names don’t have to make sense. But you’re ahead of the game if you have a name that begins with “st.”

Thank you. And from now on, please call me Starwyn. It wouldn’t hurt to bring me coffee too.

This pathway leads to the Red Cup Cafe. You see how the suspense can build-up for coffee in a RED cup?

One of the woodcarvings at the Red Cup Cafe. The lady seems displeased at me taking her picture.