What to do with yourself when recovering from hip replacement surgery
- Watch a marathon of “Iyanla Fix My Life” on the Oprah channel. The title says it all. Iyanla tries very hard to fix the lives of people who are broken from abuse, molestation, drugs, neglect, heartache. She says things that most people wouldn’t say, but she says it in a commanding way. She’ll stare at a mother seated with her six grown daughters and she’ll shout to the mother while waving her arm with authority, “YOUR DAUGHTERS DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE…TELL YOUR DAUGHTERS RIGHT NOW WHO THE ‘HELL’ YOU ARE!” It’s kind of riveting to watch as Iyanla gets to the heart of the matter. The mother looks like she wants to crawl out the door. She doesn’t want to say who the (blank) she is. As I watched this family drama unfold, Jerry interrupted my Iyanla marathon. He asked what he might get for me at the store. I said to him in in the same commanding force Iyanla would say it, “I CAN’T TALK NOW. I’M WRAPPED UP IN THIS SHOW. I’LL TELL YOU WHEN IT’S OVER.” I realize Jerry already knows who the (blank) I am. Or does he? At any rate, he quickly leaves me in my solitude. After all, our Arizona cable doesn’t have I Love Lucy reruns, so instead of laughing—I shout with Iyanla.
- 2. Order books on Amazon for my Kindle. I like the 99-cent Kindle books the best but they are not usually the gripping kind of books I would like to read. You have to spend $9.99 to get a really good book for the Kindle and I just can’t spend that when you can get a nice paperback for that price. Since I can’t get to the library right now, I read cheap books on my Kindle. I did splurge and buy a $6.99 book for my Kindle and did not get the full $6.99 worth of reading pleasure. Then Jerry offered to go to the library for me. I now have books to read that don’t make me feel angry I paid $6.99 for a book that talks in every chapter about foie gras and how it melted over the author’s tongue in sheer delight. This is duck liver she’s writing about. Oh, I’m so thankful for the library.
- 3. Turn on Roy Orbison music very loud and do my physical therapy exercises. I love it when Roy sings “Pretty Woman.” Yes, of course, he is singing to me. “Pretty woman, hobblin’ down the street
Pretty woman, with a new metal hip that can’t be beat,
I don’t believe you, you’re not the truth
No one could look as good as you! Merrrr-cy.” ….Whoo! (high kick with good leg)
- 4. Feast on bowls of shredded wheat like there’s no tomorrow. I had no desire for shredded wheat before my surgery. But afterward all I could think of is shredded wheat in milk, maybe with blueberries and bananas. Every other food tastes like sawdust to me. Salads, which I loved in my pre-surgery days, are now nauseating. It’s like being pregnant without the excitement of a baby in your future. I wondered what caused my craving and I looked this up online and discovered that people often lose their appetite after surgery. Some have cravings. While searching this subject I came across a post where a lady stated she craved bowls of Rice Chex after her hip replacement surgery. What is there about cereal and hip replacement surgery? I can only surmise the trauma of surgery sticks in your psyche and all you want is to comfort yourself with cold cereal that isn’t too sugary.
- 5. Tell jokes to yourself. Laughter is the best medicine so why not make yourself laugh.
Here’s a joke for me. A man telephoned the airlines and asked, “how long does it take to fly from Seattle to Boston?” The clerk replied, “Just a minute…” The man said, “Thank you,” and hung up.
- 6. Take a two or three-hour nap. I’m thinking I might need one right now.
- 7. Remember not to say to Jerry, “I owe you big for all the things you’ve done for me.” Well I did say this to him because he brings me tea and makes blueberry pancakes for me and takes care of the cats, plants, laundry, meals and grocery shopping. When Jerry realized I felt indebted to him, he helped me out with my repayment by ordering lots of things he wants on eBay.
- 8. Nurture the fern that suffered an accidental lack of water while I was in the hospital. It dried to a brown crisp and suffered a near-death experience. One green frond hung on and now struggles to survive. I spend much time caring for it. The fern and I, together, will survive.
- 9. Text friends. My friend Nancy sends me raps to cheer me up. She sends them via text or email with lots of emojis. She has made it her job to keep me cheered through this entire recovery process. It has worked too. Here’s one Nancy recently sent.
Bronwyn my dear life is rockin my boat
I am frustrated, tired and need to hear a joke.
I have daughters “I” phone and a new surface pro to boot
I am grinding my teeth, wired and don’t give a hoot.
When the “I” phone rings I start to grind my teeth, I want a cigarette and then pour a drink.
My nerves are shot and my stomach feels sour, I kick the cat and then put her in the sink.
I grab the phone and want to figure it out. I push buttons, swish my finger then start to shout.
Why oh why did they make it so hard? I just want to give up and go What is this all about?
(Nancy wouldn’t really kick her cat Jasmine, that was just for the rap.)
10. Disclaimer: Bronwyn was under heavy anesthesia for five hours and still suffers the after effects. She can’t be responsible for what she may, or may not, have written in this blog.