My Refrigerator Phobia  (and other things that drive me crazy)

butter1.      Butter tray in the refrigerator. When Jerry opens the lid to the butter tray on the refrigerator door, he doesn’t close it. He leaves it hanging open as he shuts the refrigerator door. When I open the refrigerator, the lid to the open butter tray slams shut with a loud BANG. It sounds like a shotgun blast. It’s so startling that it takes me a few minutes of stunned silence to understand my refrigerator doesn’t intend harm. I realize it’s the butter tray lid slamming shut—again. The sudden blast brings on heart palpitations and a stressed feeling of refrigerator phobia that will require years of therapy. I need a Fridge-a-Phobia support group. I ask Jerry to please remember to close the butter tray when he’s done with it. He does remember for a while. Then one unsuspecting afternoon, I’ll open the refrigerator and BANG! Then I wonder, how badly do we really need butter anyway? I know, Julia Child said everything is better with butter. Julia also said to use cream when you’re afraid to use butter. Ahh, this duct tape wound tightly over, and around, and over the butter tray lid is helping me release tension already. read more

Eleven things that flitted through my mind while attending my nephew’s high school graduation.

graduation3

1. Ahh, finally after finding a parking spot and hiking the parking lot and locating family members, I get to sit down at last. What a nice stadium! I’ll just glance at the 2016 Commencement Program and what!!! There must be ten thousand names on the class roster. Where’s my nephew’s name? It’s the only name I want to see. Oh! There he is way back at the very end of the program’s one hundred thousand names (I’m sure my previous estimate of ten thousand wasn’t correct). Wow, there are certainly a lot of Brittanys and Taylors in the world. I don’t see any Bronwyns. No, not one. Too bad my nephew has the name Wilson because if he was an Allen, for example, he’d be the first to get his diploma and off to the after party. read more

Rugzilla Rises (and other things that make me sad)

This is the love light coming from the lamp to cause the reviewer to love it even more after eight years.

This is the love light, the iridescence of joy, coming from the lamp, causing the reviewer to love it even more after eight years of ownership.

The cure for disappointment —or any sad mishap —is to buy a new lamp! Well, not exactly a lamp. I’m using that as a metaphor.

This realization came to me a few days ago when I accidentally chipped the edge of the frosted, cream-colored glass shade on my French antique banker’s lamp. It’s a lovely reproduction and I love the lamp. So, the broken glass shade made me sad. I looked online for a replacement glass shade and couldn’t find one exactly like mine. I found ones that would work, but they weren’t like the one I had. read more

Peacocks and Pancakes

We were seated outside of civilization.

We were seated outside of civilization.

“Oh, hello, yoo hoo…” (think: fingers tapping impatiently) “We’re over here and we’re hungry!”

It’s well after 9 p.m. Quite a while ago the IHop hostess seated my friends and me in a lonely corner booth. When we first entered the restaurant, we noticed a packed house, tables full of families clinking coffee cups and chowing down on pancakes adorned in mountains of luscious whipped cream. The hostess marched our party of four past these happy tables where adults chatted and children hooted. She led us to the back room, crammed with vacant tables. Perhaps, I thought, a server assigned to this section needed some business and the hostess decided to help out by seating us in the back room. I didn’t realize IHop would need to hire someone off the street before we would get service. Hours passed, then weeks, and not one server approached our table. Perhaps I exaggerate the length of time we waited. But how long does it take for someone to acknowledge us and take our order? read more

If I Could Change The World

Walk? (yawn)

Walk? (yawn)

1.       Traffic lights at pedestrian crosswalks. They flash “walk” or “don’t walk.” But I’d like to have mystery traffic lights that surprise us? How about “run” and “don’t run”? This gets the heartbeat up and good for our health. I mentioned this suggestion to Jerry and he said, “If people run, they have a better chance of tripping or darting out in front of a car, so walking is better.” But is it? We can look both ways and make a note not to trip no matter what the sign commands. How about a “Hootchie Cootchie” and “Don’t Hootchie Cootchie” traffic light? Pedestrians would cross the road while shaking their shoulders and hips. The traffic lights could have speakers as Creedence Clearwater belts out: “Big wheel keep on turnin’, Proud Mary keep on burnin’
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ on the river
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ on the river.” read more