Tag Archives: everyday humor

5 Reasons to Smile, or Laugh

  • Nutrisystem commercials state, “Eat the food, lose the weight.” A voice on the TV explains you can eat pizza, hamburgers, French fries, and ice cream and you lose weight. What isn’t explained is the amount of food you can eat to lose the weight. You want ice cream? You can have ¼ teaspoon. Pizza? You may smell it only. French fries? Imagine eating it because that’s the only way you will lose weight eating French fries. Marie Osmond announces she lost 50 pounds on Nutrisystem. However, she doesn’t explain this occurred after she removed her gold jewelry.

    To lose weight, you imagine eating these French fries only. Diet plan that works–never eat, only imagine.

  • Bananas. This is the funniest fruit ever. And not because people slip on their peels, which I never thought funny anyway. This fruit is laughable because it has the capability to deceive you very cleverly. You pick the best bunch of bananas you can find in the store’s produce department. You don’t want the green ones because sometimes they never ripen. So you choose the nice yellow bunch. By the time you get your bananas home, they have broken out in brown speckles all over. When you decide you want a banana later that day, you find your bunch of bananas have shriveled to black. Now this may be an Arizona occurrence because I don’t remember that I needed to hit the gas and race home with my bananas when I lived in Washington state. It’s colder there and bananas seem to prefer the Pacific Northwest. The brown speckles didn’t appear for several days back in Washington. In addition, banana is a funny-sounding word. It has no dignified sophistication like a peach or pear. The word banana is fun to say and rhyme, like Banana nana bo bana, fe fi fo fana, or Bananarama. Also, we use the word to refer to someone who is crazy. “He’s bananas.” No one says, “he’s artichokes.” 
  • Wednesdays. It’s trash day in our neighborhood on Wednesdays. I find it funny because it’s Trashy Hump Day for us. If our trash day landed on Tuesday, it would not be funny. Trashy Tuesday isn’t funny.
  • Instant Pot. It’s a pot that makes delicious meals in 10 minutes. The Instant Pot meals come out perfect with the meat very tender and vegetables cooked to perfection. This happens because the Instant Pot is like a huge pressurized sauna for your food. I regret all those years I had attempted to cook food in an oven or on the stove, which resulted in tough meat and lackluster vegetables. Now I have the Instant Pot. Who would have thought a nice steamy sauna for your food would make life so much easier? The Instant Pot gives me a rest from my previous cooking tactics of hacking, burning, boiling, and frying–not to mention, frustrated and screaming with kitchen knife in hand.

    I receive no compensation for saying this item has given me renewed peace in the kitchen.

  • Yard signs with serious threats.βω♥

    This sign is posted in Phoenix. “Children found climbing our Rock Wall will be sold to the Circus.” Children were suspiciously missing when I took this picture.  

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    The Saddest Part of 2018 (you probably don’t realize)

    Some people say “the good ol’ days weren’t so good.” I’m here to tell you, they are wrong.

    In the good ol’ days, like 1987, we didn’t have cell phones. At least they weren’t a common household item. Cellular phones in 1987 cost about as much as a Ferrari and were the size and weight of a toaster. They didn’t fit very well inside our purse. They didn’t make toast.

    Most everyone in 1987 had touch-tone dial phones that sat on desks or hung on the walls. We almost always answered the phone every time it blasted its loud jangle. We didn’t have caller i.d. and we never knew who might be calling. The thing is, in 1987 you could still hope for a fun phone call. read more

    I Will Survi-iiiii-ive Without Jam (hey, hey)?

    I had eaten half my cranberry-turkey salad when I realized I didn’t get the jam for my whole-wheat bread. I asked our server as she breezed by our table, and who created wind gusts in her haste to get to another table, if she would bring me the jam I had ordered. “Oh yes, I’ll get that for you,” she said as she whooshed by causing my blondish-locks to blow wildly in her wake.

    Five minutes later I noticed our server whooshing back and forth serving customers at other tables. She seemed to have forgotten my request. The holiday shoppers had descended on the bakery like bees swarming a flowering bush. Determined to have jam, I left my seat and asked the cashier at the counter if she would bring me some jam. read more

    Visions of Buffalo Dancing on Our Tile

    Fancy-Schmancy (not its real name) tile store.

    “No. I don’t accept. Cancel our order!” Jerry said.

    We had driven north of Phoenix, way out in nowhere. It took forever to get to the Fancy-Schmancy Tile & Stone Company. For all I knew we had reached the Canadian border by the time Jerry and I pulled into the tile store’s parking lot. Eh?

    Before embarking on our long drive northward, I had called various tile stores to inquire about terracotta tile, the kind of tile I wanted for our atrium. Only Fancy-Schmancy had what I wanted. read more